Kraving Tavak (The Krave of Everton Book 4) Page 15

  Then Ixavo came along, her Luxirian lover, years and years after Ryann. The one she’d taken a little while after her mother had died, less than a year ago. She’d wanted a distraction from her grief because she hated feeling sad and lost all the time.

  And he’d been a good distraction. A really good distraction. She’d holed up with him and she’d enjoyed sex with him.

  But Tavak?

  Stella lay on the floor of her bedroom. Panting. Covered in sweat. Trembling from the lingering orgasms that still tingled up her spine every now and again, even though he’d scooped most of his teela from her body and washed her with a clean cloth.

  He had his back to her dresser, the one that the green silk still hung from. The beautiful gift he still hadn’t told her was from him, even though she knew the truth now.

  His knee was bent, his arm slung over the top of it. The dirtied rag was next to his hand. And he was watching her catch her breath, those beautiful eyes dark and still.

  Sex with Tavak had been…

  Stella couldn’t even think of a word that seemed fitting, that came close to what she’d experienced in the last hour with him.

  He’d come twice more inside her. Stella had lost count of her orgasms after twenty.

  Stella still had her arms over her head even though Tavak had long since released her. Mostly because all her limbs felt like jelly and she wasn’t certain she’d be able to lift them.

  Quiet had descended but it didn’t feel uncomfortable. Mostly, Stella was still in shock that sex could be out-of-this-world spectacular but her mind was beginning to accept that.

  She groaned.

  “I think you’ve broken me,” she murmured.

  More like ruined her.

  “A little warning would’ve been nice,” she teased softly.

  Tavak’s gaze darkened. His voice was rough and husky when he murmured, “I thought you knew.”

  “Why?”

  His bare shoulder lifted, all the muscles in his arm and neck and upper chest shifting with it. Mesmerizing. Would it be rude if she asked him to never wear another tunic again?

  “Everyone knows about the Keriv’i.”

  There was something sad in his voice when he said that. Stella frowned. Tavak was still catching his breath but he was still so far away. She would much rather be cuddling with him on her bed right about now and yet she was still sprawled across the floor. Naked.

  Stella shivered even though her body felt warm. Between her thighs, she felt constant tingling. She was sensitive and she knew she’d be sore just from how…enthusiastic Tavak had been. His size.

  But Stella wouldn’t change a single thing.

  Ever.

  Still, she would be lying if she didn’t say she was a little baffled by the change in him. Especially considering what had happened a few nights ago.

  Tonight, Tavak had been dominant and powerful and sexy as hell and…damn, the guy had stamina.

  And yet, a few nights ago, he had seemed like he was trying to disconnect during sex with her. Which hurt. She didn’t mind that he’d lost a little, um, steam towards the end of that night. She knew bodies could be complex things. Sometimes they did things one didn’t expect.

  What had bothered her was that she’d wanted to have sex with Tavak because she liked him. She didn’t want to have sex with someone who could barely look at her as they fucked.

  But tonight…he had never taken his eyes off her.

  That had made all the difference in this experience. Because Stella could sense his desire for her. She didn’t question if he was attracted to her. Now she knew he was really attracted to her.

  “Are you going to stay over there all night or do I have to beg you to cuddle me?” she asked, giving him a small smile, finally finding the strength to lower her arms from over her head. “Humans like to be cuddled after sex, you know. Especially this human.”

  Something flashed over his expression. His face went a little tight before it smoothed out again. Stella stilled, sensing that she’d said something…wrong.

  She waited for him to say something with bated breath.

  When he reached for his tunic, her stomach sank a little. His voice was quiet when he said, “I should leave. You need to rest.”

  What?

  Stella managed to sit up. She was still feeling the effects of his teela and he wanted to leave? She thought…she thought he’d at least stay the night.

  Then again, her bed was small. Or maybe Keriv’i didn’t spend the night with partners? Or…

  “Did I say something wrong?” she asked quietly, watching him rise from the floor and dress in his tunic. Then he tightened the laces on his pants, concealing his cock from view.

  Tavak paused, meeting her eyes. He was towering over her and she was sitting on the floor at his feet.

  Stella bit her lip, feeling vulnerable and exposed again, like she had a few nights ago. This time, it was so much worse because of what had just happened between them.

  Was he seriously leaving because she’d asked him to…cuddle?

  Stella pressed her lips together.

  He’d never actually said he liked her. She’d just assumed he did. But, at his jivera, she realized he’d only ever said he was attracted to her, that he wanted to have sex with her. Not that he wanted a relationship with her. Not that he saw whatever it was between them going anywhere.

  She was done guessing. She was getting tired of this back-and-forth, of constantly wondering, of never knowing for certain.

  “Do you like me?” she asked, keeping his eyes, her jaw set. “Do you like me or do you just want to have sex?”

  He made a sound in the back of his throat. He sounded tired when he returned, “Why can’t it be both?”

  Stella blinked.

  “So you don’t…you don’t see this going beyond sex?”

  He blew out a sharp breath.

  “Stella…I don’t think I’ve misled you in any way about this. About me. If I have, I’m sorry for it. But I can’t give you a…a partnership. Matehood. A family.”

  That last word twisted out bitterly.

  “I’m not built like that. I’m not made for that,” he finished softly. “I know you want those things. You told me that. And you deserve to have those things. But I’m not the male that can give it to you.”

  Why did hearing him say that hurt so much? Especially because he sounded so damn certain. Like what he was saying was the absolute truth.

  God, just when she thought they were on the same page, that page turned and she was lost all over again.

  It wasn’t like she was asking the guy to marry her. But she didn’t know if she could do the casual sex thing again. She’d done it with Ixavo but that had been a different situation. It had been a situation she’d wanted because she’d already been so emotionally disconnected from everything else.

  But she actually liked Tavak. A lot. She didn’t know if she could stop herself from falling in love with him if they continued on like they were. She already felt herself getting perilously close to that edge.

  “I’m good for sex and that’s it,” he told her quietly. “It’s all I’m good for.”

  Stella furrowed her brow, feeling anger spark in her chest at the dismissive words. Why did he talk about himself like that?

  “That’s all I can ever give you. And as long as you know that, we can continue,” Tavak said. “If you wish.”

  Stella had the strange urge to laugh. Or cry. She couldn’t really be certain which.

  Because she’d just had the best goddamn sex of her life with a male that she’d spent the last two months mooning over. A male who made her fluttery with excitement, who turned her on with a single look, who made her smile like a loon when he was all grumpy and surly. A male who apologized when he was wrong, who secretly bought her the silk she’d admired, who showed up early at port to help her with heavy shipments.

  She didn’t understand him.

  “I—I don’t know,” she whispered,
trying to keep her shoulders from sagging. She didn’t want him to know how disappointing and upsetting his words were to her.

  “I don’t want to hurt you, Stella,” he admitted quietly. “I care about you. I just can’t give you everything you want. But I can give you some.”

  So he liked her but he didn’t like her enough to see a future with her.

  Friends with benefits. That was what he wanted.

  Fair enough.

  At least she knew that now.

  At least she knew not to expect anything more from him.

  And he had every right to set those boundaries in the beginning. Stella knew that. It wasn’t just about her. It was about what they both were comfortable with.

  She looked up at Tavak. He seemed to be waiting for something, studying her intently. His gaze made her remember that she was naked. She stood up on weak legs, reaching for the blanket on her bed, wrapping it around her body, tucking the ends underneath her armpits. When she was covered, she felt like she could think a little more clearly.

  She went to the door, hovering near it. Her hand lifted to the edge, gripping it tight. Tavak moved towards her.

  Stella gave him a small smile, one she didn’t entirely feel.

  “I’ll have to think about it,” she told him softly.

  Tavak’s eyes were swirling. After a brief hesitation, he inclined his head in a short nod.

  “Good night,” she said.

  She felt like she should say something more.

  Thank you?

  Thanks for the orgasms, they were fantastic?

  It was so…impersonal. Stella was no good at this.

  His jaw ticked. Stella marveled that she could still taste him on her tongue, could still feel the lingerings of his touch on her body.

  Then he said, “Kasari, vellia.”

  Then he left. She listened to his heavy footsteps go down the stairs. Heard the cellar door close. Heard him leave the bar, only this time she didn’t look for him out the window.

  Instead, Stella looked at the mess they’d made on the floor. Her room smelled like sex and Tavak.

  She groaned, cursing her own stupidity.

  He’d ruined her for sex.

  The question was…could she continue on with him? Even though she knew she risked heartbreak?

  She didn’t know.

  She truly didn’t know.

  But after tonight, she didn’t know if she had the strength to walk away now.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Stella could feel the question coming a mile away, almost as soon as she’d stepped into Valerie’s jivera home.

  The question was lingering in the lines of Eve’s face, a sweet, kind woman she’d just met…but the two human females sitting in front of her at the table seemed too polite to actually ask.

  Stella sipped her tea, thinking it strange that she was drinking a hot, bitter cup of it in the afternoon. Tea was her morning drink. Her little ritual most mornings when she woke up, unless she had to be at port.

  “So you lived on Haase’s merchant ship since you were fourteen?” Eve asked, blinking in surprise. “You must have seen a lot of the universe.”

  Stella nodded. She’d been nervous coming here. A part of her had wanted to cancel, given what happened with Tavak last night. She hadn’t been certain she’d been in the right head space for company.

  But Stella was glad she came. She found Valerie and Eve easy to talk to. They laughed a lot, which Stella liked. They were kind and open and welcoming. She was into her second cup of tea and her fourth mini-sandwich, which Valerie had made from root flour and thin slices of braised meat. Delicious.

  “I’ve been to all the Quadrants,” Stella told her. “To most reaches of them too. At least the known ones.”

  “Even the First Quadrant?” Valerie asked.

  The First Quadrant was by far the most dangerous of them all. Haase very rarely took work there and only work on the outer reaches of the territory.

  “Yes,” Stella said. “But I never disembarked and they were very quick runs.”

  Eve sipped her tea. She saw Valerie cast her a speculative look but then she gave Stella a small smile.

  “My father was a merchant,” Eve told her quietly. “We lived together on Everton. His ship lost contact in the First Quadrant.”

  Stella’s belly tightened.

  “Did you…is he…?”

  She didn’t quite know how to ask.

  Eve lifted her shoulder, her hand running to her very swollen belly, smoothing her palm over her growing child. A half-human, half-Keriv’i child.

  “No, they never found his vessel. But I know he’s gone. I can feel it, you know?”

  Stella’s throat tightened.

  “I’m sorry,” Stella said quietly. “I truly am.”

  Eve reached across the table and patted her hand. “It was a long time ago.”

  But Stella knew that that pain never truly healed. The loss of a loved one. Especially so tragically.

  Stella thought of confiding in them that she’d lost her mother last year. But she couldn’t make the words come. Sometimes she still felt like saying the words out loud—my mother is dead—made them too real.

  Stella took another sip of her tea instead as a brief silence descended between the three women.

  Just when it began to feel awkward, Stella asked, “How has your pregnancy been?”

  Eve flashed her a pained look. “The sooner this baby is out the better. But I still have a long ways to go.” She took a sip of her tea. “Keriv’i females were typically pregnant for a full year. My Laoti midwife, she thinks I’ll gestate closer to ten months. Maybe a little more.”

  Stella’s lips parted. A full year?

  “But let me tell you, Keriv’i babies are strong,” Eve said, flashing a quick smile. “Want to feel?”

  Stella’s brow furrowed but she nodded hesitantly. Eve brought her hand over her belly, sliding it to the left of her belly button.

  Stella’s breath hitched when she felt a strong jolt, movement under the flesh.

  “She’s kicking right now,” Eve said. “She’s usually asleep this time.”

  “She?”

  Another kick, right against Stella’s palm. Awe-inspiring, really. To feel that life, right there.

  Longing went through Stella and she pulled her hand away with a hard swallow, leaning back in her seat.

  “Khiva think it’s a girl. I do too,” Eve told her with a small wink. “We want to name her Cwera. After his mother.”

  “That’s lovely,” Stella told her, feeling her throat tighten a bit at the sentiment.

  “Do you want children?” Valerie asked her.

  Stella briefly glanced down into the dregs of her tea, seeing the leaves swirl in a circular pattern.

  Then she told them, “Yes. I do. Very much.”

  Only it didn’t seem like it was in the cards for her. At 27, she was still young, she supposed, but finding a viable mate and partner in these times was not an easy thing, as she was discovering.

  She felt it again. That unspoken question. It was about Tavak.

  Stella cleared her throat and looked at Valerie. “How about you? Have you and Dravka decided if you want children?”

  “Oh, we do,” Valerie told her. “If he had any say in it, I would’ve been pregnant months ago.”

  “You want to wait?” Stella guessed.

  Valerie reached for a sandwich, popped the whole thing into her mouth, and chewed. Once she swallowed, she said, “Dravka has a contraception implant.”

  Stella blinked. “Oh. Wow. Those are, um, rare.”

  And expensive.

  Something flickered over Valerie’s face. Something that was surprising to Stella because it looked like…anger. A quick, bitter twist of her lips. But Stella knew it wasn’t directed at her. It was something else, something underneath that Stella wasn’t privy to.

  “Yeah,” Valerie said softly. “They are. But his should be wearing off in the next month
or so.” Valerie flashed her a wide grin. “And then it’s go time.”

  Stella chuckled, relaxing again when she felt the mood shift. Given what she knew about Keriv’i males now, about what they could do during sex, Stella was tempted to ask them more about that aspect of their lives seeing as how they both had Keriv’i mates. But it seemed like prying. It seemed inappropriate and she didn’t want to make them uncomfortable. She barely knew them but Stella hoped that with time, they could become good friends.

  Valerie took a sip of her tea.

  “Tavak has one too.”

  Stella froze, her hand in mid-air, the tea cup pinched between her fingers.

  Eve shot Valerie a look. A sharp look.

  “A contraception implant, I mean,” Valerie finished, ignoring Eve. “But his should be wearing off around the same time.”

  For a brief moment, Stella was stunned. Because last night, she hadn’t given a single thought to pregnancy and Tavak had come inside her multiple times. Was it because he’d known he couldn’t get her pregnant?

  She was a fool to not have considered that a possibility. Especially since Eve was sitting in front of her right now, pregnant with a Keriv’i male’s child.

  But many hybrid children were difficult to conceive. Stella had believed that would be the case with Keriv’i as well. In fact, many partners needed outside procedures, lab work, artificial gestation to create a child together.

  Stella licked her lips. “Is that…do Keriv’i and humans, um, procreate easily? I just assumed…”

  Her gaze was on Eve. Realization went through the brunette’s eyes but her smile was kind and patient.

  “Khiva got me pregnant pretty easily,” Eve said. A teasing, almost conspiratorial smile slid across her face. “Then again, I’m pretty sure he got me pregnant during his Rut so that’s not entirely surprising.”

  Stella’s brow furrowed. “His…Rut?”

  Eve’s smile died. One eyebrow lifted and she shared a look with Valerie.

  Valerie licked her lips and leaned forward, her gaze steady on Stella. “You don’t know much about them, do you?”

  Stella’s face flushed. “No. No, I don’t. I mean…I didn’t even know about his, I mean, their, um, teela until…”